Amanda Aravena (a DISC workplace expert) said in her book: “The shocking truth is that many organisations don’t define their workplace culture, let alone communicate what it should look like. They also don’t have the expectation that people will live and breathe that culture. When workplace culture is not clearly defined and communicated, it cannot permeate throughout the organisation.”
What is a workplace culture? It’s the mission, vision, goals and values of the organisation – everything that the organisation stands for.
Unfortunately, I see and hear similar things in my coaching practice with couples and lonesome singles.
Lovebirds come into the relationship head over heels in love (or shall we say: lust) and tend to lose their identity, by trying to please the new love object and put that new person on the pedestal. Or if they have been single for a long time, they have fear of loss, therefore they dilute themselves in the mission, vision, goals and values of their new love interest; without stating and asserting their own culture from the beginning.
In the end, it creates confusion and resentment, simply because there was a lack of definition and communication about each other’s culture.
If you have been single and lonely for a long while, then eventually pluck up the courage to get out there again, be clear with your intention: “Am I here for companionship or partnership? ”Ask your date light questions to build rapport, but towards the end you need to ask deep questions such as, “Are you here for companionship or partnership?”
Neither answer is wrong or right. But you need to know which one is yours and find the right match for yourself. Both of your answers need to match to avoid pain and heartbreak.
If you are only ready to have ‘friends with benefits’ because you are a single parent focusing on your children’s journey, or have a new business which is your baby and don’t have much time for a full time partner, then tell them and be honest.
If your desire is to find a partner that you can share your life and dreams with, then tell them what your goals are and what you are looking for.
If your date doesn’t tell you, then ask them and clarify their intention. If you want a partnership and they want a companionship, then there is a mismatch. Believe what they say in the beginning. If you want them to change, by diluting your own vision-mission-values, I am afraid you are being delusional.
So, are you here for companionship or partnership?
Keep well & lots of love,
Relationship Coach & Chief Relaxation Officer
If you need to have a chat with Ingrid about relationship coaching, please book here.